Sunday, 22 January 2012

Psychokiller


(Talking Heads: Psychokiller)

"Are you scared?" the man on the phone asked, in a deep and growly voice.

"No," I said.

"Well, you better be."

"I'm not."

"You will be when I tell you this. Check the display on your phone. This call's coming from inside the house."

"Inside the house?"

"From the phone in the basement. Scared now, eh? Terrified?"

"Not much. We don't have a phone in the basement."

"What?"

"Can't have a phone in the basement, because we don't even have a basement."

"Are you trying to bluff me? Because if you're trying to bluff me..."

"I'm not trying to bluff you. We don't have a basement."

"Shit. Are you sure?"

"I think I'd know."

"Shit. But I thought I dialled—well, well, you just wait Sandra, I'm coming up out of this basement and I'm be heading straight for—"

"I'm not Sandra."

"What?"

"My name's not Sandra. My name's Jane."

"Jane?"

"Yes."

"Not Sandra?"

"Not Sandra. I don't even know any Sandras."

"Are you sure? No, sorry, stupid question. Shit."

"You're not very good at this, are you?"

"No. It's--"

"It's what?"

"Never mind."

"No, go on. It's what?"

"It's my first time. Doing...this. Being a serial killer."

"If it's your first time, then you haven't actually killed anybody yet."

"Well—but—well..."

"So you can't call yourself a serial killer."

"Suppose not."

"Actually, if it's your first time, you're not technically even a killer."

"I—no. No, I'm not. I've read a lot of books, though. Studied the greats."

"Hasn't really rubbed off, has it?"

"Guess not. I...look, I fell quite a way when I climbed in through the window to the basement, and I think my leg is really badly hurt, maybe even broken. And when I tried the door just now it's locked, and I don't think I can climb back up and out of the window with my leg like this.  It really hurts. And there's spiders. And I'm really cold, and I don't even know if anyone's upstairs, and if they are I can't even work this phone to call them to terrify them, and I can't even get out of here. Help me. Please."

"Are you scared?" I said, in a deep and growly voice. He didn't say anything."Are you scared?"

Finally, in a little voice. "Yes."

I hung up.

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